Weak News #1

1. Sex, apparently, is a teenage phenomenon.

Problem: Birth rates increasing, STI (syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia) contraction increasing.
Solution: Sex education--or mass castration.

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------------------------------------------------ 2. College football coaches receiving more than an arm and a leg.

Problem: Hella amound ov do' ain't goin' to professerz.
Solution: Scan college catalog for Footballerology.

Point taken #1: "1. Where's the outrage about this from college students? College students around the country often protest about the "unfairness" of low wages in foreign "sweatshops" making university apparel. Shouldn't they be protesting the "unfairness" of "excessive" football coach pay and relatively low ("sweatshop"?) wages for college professors? After all, the universities that the students attend pay their college professors with PhDs less than 10% of what they are paying the football coaches (see chart above)."

Point taken #2: CSULB made a smart decision in 1992.

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3. AD-ART.

Problem: What was once art, is now corporatized chalk drawing things.
Solution: Let nature take its anti-corporate approach to ridding evil.

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"Reward yourself with a Happy Meal from McDonalds!"

4. Positive correlation between good grades and McDonald's fun time!

Problem: Grades for Mckee's. Sounds devilishicious to me!
Solution: No McDonalds, kids eat gooder.

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5. Media chokeholdin' that debate.

Problem: MEDIA! MEDIA! MEDIA!
Solution: Wha?

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-J.GUAVA